Given that metaphor and these grim statistics, it would seem we are living in the age of the walking wounded.
There are perhaps more reasons to get divorced than their are causes to wed including but not limited to a personality altering aneurysm, a desire to grind on a stranger, incorrect power meters, your spouse spiking your drink with Drano and/or hiring a hitman to execute you.
It takes two to make it toxic folks, though a TikTok famous divorce attorney argues that those with spouses in ‘god-like’ professions like pilots, soldiers, cops and surgeons are more likely to be unhappy in their marriages.
Unsurprisingly, divorce rates climbed during the dark days and close quarters of the COVID-19 lockdown. Bad news for those that swiped right on their supposed soul mate; research suggests that married couples who met through dating apps are significantly more likely to get divorced than those that met their match through other means.
While there are many roads that lead to discord and a myriad of reasons for calling it quits, one sign stands apart as the most likely to take leave of their vows and strike out solo.
Aquarius is a fixed sign, meaning natives dig in and hold on but in the realm of relationships that holding doesn’t apply to their partners but rather their own inflexible ideals.
Fellow fixed signs like Taurus, Scorpio and Leo all have their reasons for staying married; Taurus can’t be bothered to find a new place to live, Leo can’t abide romantic failure and Scorpio doesn’t want anyone investigating their finances.
Aquarius is the anchorite space cowboy of the bunch with a lasso on the future and a cold shoulder shrugging towards the past. Absolutely uncompromising, Aquarians ride the line between genius and madness and as any suffering spouse will tell you, neither is a picnic to live with. In kind, water bearers harbor the dark tendency to treat their significant others more like acolytes than equals.
Aquarians are rebellious and contrarian by nature, born to question the status quo, push the proverbial envelope and challenge convention, a trifecta that makes them great at abstract painting and ill suited for traditional marriage tropes or gender roles.
These people tend to over identify with the idea of themselves perpetual outsiders and when conflict arises they revert to the self-soothing but personally limiting belief that they are better off alone. Not a helpful stance when trying to make tandem strides.
The etymology of the word divorce suggests not a breaking apart but a diversion of energies, this suits the Aquarius spirit that would prefer to devote themselves to a cause, craft or a fringe interest than another person.
Defined by their radical independence and unconventional approach to most matters, compromise does not come easy to Aquarians. Both cerebral and stubborn it’s difficult to appeal to their emotions because they either intellectualize or ignore them.
This ilk prefers to live life as untethered and unaccountable as a helium balloon let loose from the the clutched hand of a reckless child. Examples of divorce rich water bearers include Aquarius actress/socialite/one liner champion Zsa Zsa Gabor who was married nine times.
Gabor’s roster of husbands included a Turkish diplomat, a hotelier, two actors, an investor, an inventor, a divorce lawyer and an adopted prince. She famously said of parting ways with a partner, “You never really know a man until you have divorced him.” Preach Z, preach.
Fellow starlet Lana Turner kept pace with Gabor when it came to the ties that bind, marrying and divorcing seven times. At last count, Billy Bob Thornton, a big loving Leo with an Aquarius moon, had collected five ex-wives. He swore off marriage after his 2003 divorce from Angelina Jolie but relapsed in 2014 when he married long time girlfriend Connie Angland. Old habits die hard.
Marilyn Monroe is yet another famous example of an Aquarius moon with multiple marriages to her name. Monroe divorced (in order) James Dougherty, Joe DiMaggio and Arthur Miller.
In tune with her moon sign, Monroe was always the party to file for divorce and at every turn it was the inability of her partner to see and celebrate her for the rare and dissenting weirdo she was that caused her marriage to fail.
Given the nature of the Aquarius archetype divorce can be viewed not as defeat in relationships but ultimate allegiance to the self, a worthy cause if ever there was one.
Astrology 101: Your guide to the stars
Astrologer Reda Wigle researches and irreverently reports back on planetary configurations and their effect on each zodiac sign. Her horoscopes integrate history, poetry, pop culture and personal experience. She is also an accomplished writer who has profiled a variety of artists and performers, as well as extensively chronicled her experiences while traveling. Among the many intriguing topics she has tackled are cemetery etiquette, her love for dive bars, Cuban Airbnbs, a “girls guide” to strip clubs and the “weirdest” foods available abroad.