My daughter refuses to let me walk her down the aisle at her wedding, so I won’t pay for it

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A father described a challenging personal drama on social media — and asked others for their input on a wedding scenario within his immediate family. 

He received that input in spades, as more than 6,000 comments poured in and more than 11,000 reactions were posted to the man’s original story, which he shared just two days ago.

“I’m a 48-year-old man and my 19-year-old daughter has always been an independent thinker,” he began. “I raised her to be independent and think for herself, which I’ve always appreciated.”

He said, however, that the two of them — ahead of her wedding — have “hit a bit of a snag” in their relationship.

The man, who did not share his location but who goes by the username “Live_Appointment4219” on Reddit, wrote, “She got engaged and decided that she doesn’t want me to walk her down the aisle at her wedding. She argues that her mother and I don’t ‘own’ her, therefore we have no right to ‘give her away.’” 

Added the man, “I feel hurt by this because we never treated her like an object or piece of property — rather, we’ve tried our best to provide her with a wonderful life,” he said on the subreddit known as AITA (“Am I the a–hole?”). 

The man told others, “Her stance seems extreme to me and despite discussions, she’s refusing to budge on the issue. I respect her choices, but I feel she’s disregarding our feelings completely.” 

He then said, “As a response, I told her that if she feels that way, then I won’t be paying for her wedding.”

Father and daughter walk down wedding aisle.
A father said his daughter doesn’t want him to walk her down the aisle because “I don’t ‘own’ her, therefore we have no right to ‘give her away.’” 

The father added, “I don’t want to come across as controlling or manipulative. It’s true, I don’t ‘own’ her. I also don’t owe her a fully funded wedding.”

He wrote, “She can pay for her own wedding if she’s insistent on this stance.”

He then appealed for help and insights: “I’m feeling quite conflicted about this. AITA?”

Father and daughter walk down wedding aisle.
The dad said his exclusion from the big day is “a rejection of everything we’ve done for her, sacrificed for her, given her.”

In an edit to his post, he also wrote in clarification, “This isn’t about making the wedding about me. Walking her down the aisle (while all eyes are on her anyway) and then sitting down is hardly making the wedding about me. It’s about her attitude.”

He continued, “She’s had every opportunity in life so far — and to exclude us from this day is a spit in the face. It’s a rejection of everything we’ve done for her, sacrificed for her, given her. It’s selfish.”

He also that “90% of wedding traditions and symbolism had roots in things we don’t acknowledge today. Should we stop all of them? The rings, the flowers, the dress, the wedding party, the cake, the flower girls?”

A father “walking his daughter down the aisle,” he also wrote, “has been about respect, pride, love and honoring the father-daughter relationship for far longer than it was about ownership.”

The man said further, “Independent thinking does not mean rude or selfish thinking. Being an independent thinker does not give someone the license to disregard or disrespect the thoughts, feelings or perspectives of others.”

Rather, he said, “Independent thinking is about maintaining the ability to think critically and form one’s own opinions while remaining respectful and considerate of others. It is a balance between asserting individuality and engaging in meaningful and respectful interactions with others.”

The man also clarified that he and his daughter “are still close with each other in spite of this. There is zero chance of her not inviting us to her wedding (regardless of who pays for it) or cutting off contact and withholding grandchildren.”

Bride and groom on their wedding.
“I approve of the groom-to-be, if that matters to anyone,” the father said.

In another edit to his post, he said, “I’ve decided to give my daughter a gift in the same amount as her older sister’s wedding cost. She can use this for whatever she wants.”

He said, “We are still in the early wedding planning stages, and she is almost 20. So she will likely be 21 before the actual marriage … I approve of the groom-to-be, if that matters to anyone.”

Fox News Digital reached out to a New York-based psychologist for professional insight into the issue, while comments continued to be posted by others about the man’s situation.

One commenter wrote right after the man’s original post, “You heard her. She is independent. Independent people deal with their own bills.”

That comment alone earned 25,000 “upvotes.”

Wrote someone else, citing the man’s comments back to him and labeling him an “a–hole,” “I don’t wanna come off as controlling and manipulative but I wanna make my daughter’s wedding about me and so I will take away my support if she doesn’t do what I want.”

Another responder shared this thought: “She’s not rejecting you, she’s rejecting a patriarchal tradition.”

The same commenter wrote that the bride-to-be, who is currently 19, is “far too young to be getting married. But that’s not the question.”

Wrote another individual, letting the dad have it, “You care more about meaningless traditions than your daughter’s happiness.”

Replied someone else, sharing a point of view that many other commenters agreed with, “You can contribute to the wedding she should be having in about 8-10 years.”

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