DEAR ABBY: While I work 12-hour night shifts at a hospital, my husband sometimes invites his co-workers and friends over. He likes to hang out with a crowd. (I prefer to keep my circle of friends tight.) I don’t usually mind. It’s a weekday, and my husband has to work the next day (six days a week usually), and he gets our three kids to bed on time.
Recently, my 10-year-old daughter told me that while I was working, she saw them with a tube on the counter and they were sniffing things. She also said the wife of one of my husband’s friends came over and that they were making out on the couch and then moved to her bedroom, where they made out. She said she was afraid to tell me sooner because she didn’t want her dad to yell at her.
I am livid. Words cannot express how furious this makes me. I don’t understand how he could put our kids in this situation. I can’t help but wonder what else has transpired while I’m at work. How do I discuss this with him without losing it completely and throwing him out? — LIVID IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR LIVID: Your husband appears to have some growing up to do. His judgment was awful. You have every right to read him the riot act, but a speech like that is more effective served ice cold. Because you can’t be sure if this was a one-time thing, consider installing security cameras in your home so you can check on your children’s safety while you’re working. Depending on what the images reveal, it may be better for him to live elsewhere.
DEAR ABBY: My co-workers and I go out to lunch once a week. We used to take turns driving, but one co-worker is so genuinely thrilled to drive that over the last year we let her do all of it. Abby, she’s NOT a good driver. She hits the curbs making turns, and one time she hit another car in the parking lot because she wasn’t able to turn into the adjacent parking space correctly.
Until recently, these incidents have been more embarrassing than worrisome, but yesterday she pulled out into traffic without checking for oncoming cars and we were nearly T-boned by a van that had the right-of-way. Her response? “Well! He didn’t brake for me at all!”
She’s a nice lady; none of us wants to hurt her feelings, but we no longer feel safe with her behind the wheel. Her biggest problem seems to be that she wants to chat with everyone while she’s driving. She gets distracted by the conversation and doesn’t focus on the task at hand.
How can we nicely tell her that she needs to focus on driving or let someone else drive the team to lunch? — UNEASY IN CANADA
DEAR UNEASY: I am frankly shocked that you all are still riding with this person. Tell her that not only does she need to focus on driving while she is behind the wheel, which is something she should have realized by now, but also that from now on the rest of you will provide the transportation on these outings. Do not take no for an answer. Your lives could depend on it.
DEAR ABBY: Please remind your readers how important it is for people to make provisions for their beloved pets in the event that the owner dies first. It is not enough for a suitable home to be listed in the legal papers. Money for food and vet bills should also be included. It is so sad when seniors’ pets are placed in shelters because no provisions had been left in their wills for the care of their beloved furry family members. — PLANNING AHEAD IN TEXAS
DEAR PLANNING AHEAD: That’s excellent advice, and I know many devoted pet guardians will thank you for the reminder. I know I do. Thank you for an important letter.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.