Man slammed for ‘sexist as hell’ request of his girlfriend when she meets his family for first time

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A man took to Reddit to ask that social media platform’s AITA (“Am I the A–hole”) subreddit community if he was in the wrong for asking his girlfriend to play a more traditional female role during an upcoming visit with his family.

“I have a big family that’s incredibly close,” Reddit user GraveYardSchift wrote in a post on Sunday. 

“We have big family dinners every few months, where we all meet at my great-grandfather’s estate and eat together.”

In these family dinners, the women “go cook for the time they’re there” and “the men don’t,” the Reddit user detailed.

He also said he is fully aware that this dynamic is “sexist as hell,” but noted that he’s also one of the youngest in the family and his protests “mean literally nothing.”

The man wrote that in the past, other women who attended the family dinner “[chose] not to cook,” but this was met “with a level of ostracizing” — noting they’re usually long-term wives or girlfriends. 

He added, “When I have seen new partners not cook, it’s gone bad … [The woman is] completely ostracized,” he said, and there’s “cattiness” and rudeness” directed at these new partners.

“This dinner will be in two weeks and my girlfriend was asked if she would attend,” the Redditor continued. “Initially she said, ‘Yes,’ which is great.” 


Couple
A man took to Reddit to ask that social media platform’s AITA (“Am I the A–hole”) subreddit community if he was in the wrong for asking his girlfriend to play a more traditional female role during an upcoming visit with his family.
PeopleImages

When he explained the family tradition of wives cooking and men socializing, his girlfriend was “understandably bothered,” the poster also said.

“I told her that I understood where she was coming from; however, it’s best for everyone if she just played along,” he continued.

The man also told his girlfriend that this situation “isn’t a permanent thing” and that he is only asking her to do this so that she can “avoid bad treatment from the rest of the family.”

This is her first impression on his family, he noted — and he doesn’t think the couple should “cause waves.”

The Reddit writer continued, “She told me that it’s unacceptable and that if she has to do that she will not be going.”


Family having dinner
He also said he is fully aware that this dynamic is “sexist as hell,” but noted that he’s also one of the youngest in the family and his protests “mean literally nothing.”
Klaus Vedfelt

The man said he’s tried to find some compromise with her on the issue, “but she won’t budge” — and is now mad at him.

“She told me that if I think it’s acceptable to make her do this, I’m just as bad as everyone else,” he added, “while my point is that she needs to make a good first impression.”

Fox News Digital attempted to reach the original poster, but his account is listed as “restricted” to approved users only.

One Pennsylvania psychologist said she finds the scenario troubling.

“I have concerns about any relationship in which someone asks their partner to ‘pretend’ and ‘go along to get along,’” Dr. Natalie Bernstein of Pittsburgh told Fox News Digital.  

While it may seem an innocent request, Bernstein said it gives multiple messages, which she listed as follows:

  1. You are not good enough as you are.
  2. My family’s needs are more important than ours.
  3. My family’s views of me are more important to me than your needs.
  4. My family has the power to influence how we interact together.

“This last one, in particular, can be very damaging moving forward, as more attitudes and beliefs come forth (attitudes toward marriage, raising children, etc.),” she also noted.

“Finally, the girlfriend was pretty clear at setting her limits and boundaries and the disregard for her emotions is concerning,” Bernstein added.

The Reddit community had plenty to say on the issue. 

​On the AITA subreddit, people can reply to posts and indicate the poster is “NTA” (“Not the A–hole”), “YTA” (“You’re the A–hole”), “NAH” (“No A–holes Here”) or “ESH” (“Everyone Sucks Here”).

Garnering 23,600 votes in total from the community, the post overwhelmingly was given a verdict of “YTA.”

“Why would he really try to fix anything when he benefits from it?” one commenter said of the original poster.

Another commented, “I believe the term ‘grandfather’s estate’ helps in the explanation — inheritance.”

Yet another person commented, “It’s never really about women. It’s about rank among men. Men eat first, men are waited on and cleaned up after.”

That same commenter continued, “The entire system has always worked for them. They do not want to blow their own rank and they will severely punish anyone who threatens it.”

Another commenter had a more flexible — and actionable — reaction.

This individual said, “That’s why I don’t understand why for these occasions anyone is cooking. Hire a catering company or a private chef to come in for the evening. No one cooks and everyone gets to enjoy.”

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