We women are a savvy lot.
We’ve learnt how to go out and get our buzz on while sticking to a budget, and then taming the hangover early so it doesn’t linger all weekend.
It’s called a bottomless brunch, and it is possibly the best invention ever created … after shoes and the internet, obviously.
The only problem with this cracker of a social gathering is it stops us meeting the love of our life.
To put it bluntly, the bottomless brunch has become quite the c–k blocker.
You see, there is nothing we women love more than an unlimited drinks package served with breakfast food.
Eggs Benedict with a side of mimosa … yes please.
Crunchy hash browns paired with a salty margarita … delish.
Smoked salmon with a glass of rosé … well, pass the rosé but leave the smoked salmon, because that dish is rank.
Stick with me and you will find out why.
With everyone harping on about the current cost of living crisis, savvy restaurants are now offering ridiculously cheap bottomless brunch packages that allow us to still catch up with our girlfriends and down those cocktails while sticking to a budget.
I know. Genius.
And better yet – we get to do it during the day, and then crash out in the late afternoon, allowing us to down at least one carb-loaded dinner before an early night, resulting in us waking up far fresher than we would have if we got home in the early hours of that morning.
The downside to all this fabulousness is that men aren’t at these brunches.
Nope – these nocturnal creatures prefer to go out at night.
You know, when there’s football on in the background to distract them from our chat.
I know this for a fact because any time I’ve invited a bunch of blokes to brunch I’ve got back a solid “no thanks.”
Because brunch has such a feminine vibe to it, we’ve scared them all off.
And likewise, a night at the pub watching footy sounds bloody awful to many of us womenfolk.
Seriously singletons, we’ve got to do better, because people are going home … alone.
Not a cheeky pash, awkward boob fondle or dry hump in sight.
It’s outrageous and it’s not on.
So what do we do? Meet halfway?
Perhaps organize to meet up late afternoon when we’ve finished our brunch and the lads’ nights activities have yet to begin?
It seems a little lopsided.
I ask as I’m attempting to do both next month for my birthday – because lord knows I’m not missing a good excuse to get the girls together for a boozy brunch, but I also know I’ll be wanting a smooch at the end of it all.
So men of this world, I beg you. Get involved in the brunch.
Surely you’re feeling the pinch of the global financial crisis as well, right?
You don’t know what you’re missing out on. Here are just a few highlights:
• Umm … did I mention bottomless drinks? If you find somewhere good, you are welcome to all the mimosas, red wine, white wine, rosé and even margaritas that you can drink for one already agreed upon price. The savviest among us can really make that work in our favour.
• Women as far as the eye can see: You all complain that you never meet anyone in real life anymore. Well, guess what, brunch destinations are jam-packed with women.
• An excuse to leave and watch the footy with a pizza: Spend time with us in the sunshine drinking rosé, and we’ll be ready to lay on the couch with you by nightfall. Heck, if I’m tipsy enough, I might even throw in a foot massage.
• A date that’s not going to break the bank: I was first introduced to a bottomless brunch while on a date in London, and I cannot tell you how fun it was. We giggled, we guzzled, we rode bikes home through Hyde Park. Top notch date – all for under $100. Bargain.
So men, I urge you to get among the bottomless brunch frenzy, and let’s stop this charade.
You really are missing out on a ridiculously good time.